David Cameron won!

David Cameron (331) has won. And the world is poorer for it, we’ll have another five years where every time anything remotely big international event, that man and his ugly massive forehead and posh accent, will cause pain and misery for millions.

And yet again, we have to suffer through another five years of vague nationalism, fear and loathing in Londontown and Boris Johnson being sadly relevant.

And the entire thing is being portrayed like some great heroic feat from David Cameron, and yet, it isn’t.
England, and note here, not the rest of the UK, not Scotland, not Wales or for that matter Northern Ireland, has a lovely divide between the north and the south, and cities and countryside.

In the North, Labour (232) still has a leftover residual “Party of the Workers” left, and cities have always been more left-wing, turns out when you live next to everyone else in crumbling cities made of concrete and idiocy, you tend to vote leftish, wonder why, could be the constant human contact, and the understanding that not all humans are out to murder you with sticks.

Whereas in the countryside? Hot damn, fuck my neighbor, I’ve got my shit straight.

Fucking Conservatives.

So why did Labour fail so utterly miserably? Because they had no policies, no charisma, not a fucking gram of purpose, they simply send some unlikable arsehat out on stage, and hoped for the best.

Surprise, surprise, didn’t fucking work at all.

Ed Milliband even looks like David Cameron, the people of England where basically given a choice between one goofy looking fucker you know, and one goofy looking fucker you don’t know.

What a choice, eh?

So David Cameron won, because Labour are useless shitlords, who have absolutely no clue what they are doing, none whatsoever, completely lost in the forest of dicks and strawberries.

As for the Liberal Democrats (8)? If someone out there, are surprised that they lost utterly and completely, then please contact me, I’d like to sell you the Great Belt Bridge, because you are definitely a gullible fool, and I look forward to abuse that for fun and even more fun.

And even had such high hopes for the Lib Dems, and they squandered all of it, they should have insist on the proportional electoral reform, and not whatever forsaken compromise was spewed forth.

Hell, Conservative would STILL have won, they’d have to do a coalition, but they’d been the senior partner.
As for Scotland? They voted no to independence, that time, but they sure as fuck voted yes to independence this time around, of the 59 seats reserved for Scotland, 56 where won by the Scottish Nationalist Party (SNP), that’s a higher vote than then President of Kazakhstan got, and he’s a brutal post-soviet central Asian dictator, and he had to use all the fascist powers at his disposal to get that.

Nicola Sturgeon got it by the revolutionary way, of not being complete shit. SNP are actual Social Democrats, wanting to go with the Scandinavian model, they have an ideology, beside Scottish Independence. And it turns out, that everyone else are giant bastards towards the Scottish, how we weep for them all.

I expect to see another vote for Scottish Independence within the next few years, hopefully, this time the people of Scotland will realize, that they have nothing to fear.

As for the rest of the seats? Oh who cares, some seats that Sein Fein won some, and won’t take, out of some ancient reason, no one outside of Northern Ireland still cares about.

Other arseholes won the rest, who cares.

One did go to the Green Party, well done there.

So now, another five years with David Cameron, unless his party continues their proud tradition, and brutally backstabs him, metaphorically speaking, probably.

David_Cameron_official

LOOK AT HIM! AHHAHAHAHA! FUCK YOU!

Duke Nukem Forever is bloody stupid.

The game starts up with Duke taking a piss, but not just any piss. A piss of such magnitude, of such glory, so loaded with testosterone and steroids, that’s it officially qualifies as a chemical weapon in no less than 53 of the lower states. Now Duke zips up and fires of some catchy remark.

Which i sadly didn’t listen to, wondering if the game is really taking the piss, of everything. It’s a relic, a pipe(bomb( dream, something that really should have stayed lost, or make ten years ago, where it would have been a masterpiece. Sadly, now it’s just another mediocre FPS, which is really bad, because this was once upon a time, the potential for a champion among champions, now, and yet.

Duke Nukem Forever is probably the Silliest Game of the Year, which is a bit of a problem, because I do not think, it was suppose to feel quite this silly, defenitely not a serious game, but it doesn’t take the shit quite as good as say, Serious Sam did, it just messes around with mediocre health regeneration, quicktime event and sexism. It’s just juvenile to such a staggering degree, that it just ends up being fucking stupid, you don’t laugh, you groan.


I never see the enemies like this, all I see is a garbled mess as they mindlessly charge me.

A health bar replaced by an ego bar, increased by looking in a mirror, eating doughnuts, pumping iron and behaving like a pillock. An enemy AI that’s just about the same, as the one used in Duke Nukem 3D, the decade old gaming classic, shows that Gearbox didn’t even bother trying to innovate this game at all.

An entire stage, with a miniaturized Duke, driving around in a fucking RC car, it’s just so sad, Half-Life 2 did this years ago, twice, without the retarded gimmick. It’s like playing that ancient MicroMachines racing game all over again, just worse, and less fun. Seriously, who thought this was in any way a good idea? Yes, I do indeed love sections of constantly re-spawning enemies, where all I can hope to achieve in my present state, is make them jump around on a single leg. Dodging sure is fun, fun like taking a shite in a winter forest, surrounded by rampaging LARPers.

And don’t make me start ranting about the magnificent design off the random passersby you encounter, they look like they’ve just escaped from freaking Outcast, or perhaps even, from some of the old trailers of Duke Nukem Forever. There’s just no excuse for this kinda useless work.

And these motherfucking pigs! Fuck them, hateful little shite gameplay.

And dear sweet one-eyed Wotan, god of destiny, god of death, the all knowing, the all-seeing, all hail Odin, true King of the Gods, those fucking twins are annoying, it’s like having Tony Blair licking your ears, possibly pleasant, but deeply annoying. I don’t even want to save them, when they are inevitably kidnapped, the world would be better of without them, hell, the universe would be better off without them.

And hey, remember how Alyx from Half-Life 2 looked, behaved and dressed like a sensible human being? And remember how no one really tries to do that again? Duke Nukem Forever once against proves that it is the anti-matter of all innovation, and scales the whole thing back to strippers and lesbian twin schoolgirls. Skimpy clothing, skimpy brains, skimpy motivation, boring as fuck.

Go visit and actual strip bar you useless freaks.

Gotta give the game a few points, it’s tradition, it is deeply honest, it does have a mature rating, no pandering to the politically correct crowd, or to WalMart. And it runs on my ancient PC, a pc that’s so decrepit, that it’s being held together with glue, dust and my iron will.


This picture contains nothing but filthy lies!

In the end, don’t bother, unless you have the mental youthfulness of a seven year old German boy. The game-play itself, is so utterly devoid of innovation, so generic, that the layer of ancient nostalgia, makes you feel kinda sad.

Don’t buy it, watch a Let’s Play on Youtube, see a stupid friend play it. But stay away, it’s just not good.

Not even charming.

If you are a retarded man-child, go buy it on Steam.

Rating: 43/100