David Cameron won!

David Cameron (331) has won. And the world is poorer for it, we’ll have another five years where every time anything remotely big international event, that man and his ugly massive forehead and posh accent, will cause pain and misery for millions.

And yet again, we have to suffer through another five years of vague nationalism, fear and loathing in Londontown and Boris Johnson being sadly relevant.

And the entire thing is being portrayed like some great heroic feat from David Cameron, and yet, it isn’t.
England, and note here, not the rest of the UK, not Scotland, not Wales or for that matter Northern Ireland, has a lovely divide between the north and the south, and cities and countryside.

In the North, Labour (232) still has a leftover residual “Party of the Workers” left, and cities have always been more left-wing, turns out when you live next to everyone else in crumbling cities made of concrete and idiocy, you tend to vote leftish, wonder why, could be the constant human contact, and the understanding that not all humans are out to murder you with sticks.

Whereas in the countryside? Hot damn, fuck my neighbor, I’ve got my shit straight.

Fucking Conservatives.

So why did Labour fail so utterly miserably? Because they had no policies, no charisma, not a fucking gram of purpose, they simply send some unlikable arsehat out on stage, and hoped for the best.

Surprise, surprise, didn’t fucking work at all.

Ed Milliband even looks like David Cameron, the people of England where basically given a choice between one goofy looking fucker you know, and one goofy looking fucker you don’t know.

What a choice, eh?

So David Cameron won, because Labour are useless shitlords, who have absolutely no clue what they are doing, none whatsoever, completely lost in the forest of dicks and strawberries.

As for the Liberal Democrats (8)? If someone out there, are surprised that they lost utterly and completely, then please contact me, I’d like to sell you the Great Belt Bridge, because you are definitely a gullible fool, and I look forward to abuse that for fun and even more fun.

And even had such high hopes for the Lib Dems, and they squandered all of it, they should have insist on the proportional electoral reform, and not whatever forsaken compromise was spewed forth.

Hell, Conservative would STILL have won, they’d have to do a coalition, but they’d been the senior partner.
As for Scotland? They voted no to independence, that time, but they sure as fuck voted yes to independence this time around, of the 59 seats reserved for Scotland, 56 where won by the Scottish Nationalist Party (SNP), that’s a higher vote than then President of Kazakhstan got, and he’s a brutal post-soviet central Asian dictator, and he had to use all the fascist powers at his disposal to get that.

Nicola Sturgeon got it by the revolutionary way, of not being complete shit. SNP are actual Social Democrats, wanting to go with the Scandinavian model, they have an ideology, beside Scottish Independence. And it turns out, that everyone else are giant bastards towards the Scottish, how we weep for them all.

I expect to see another vote for Scottish Independence within the next few years, hopefully, this time the people of Scotland will realize, that they have nothing to fear.

As for the rest of the seats? Oh who cares, some seats that Sein Fein won some, and won’t take, out of some ancient reason, no one outside of Northern Ireland still cares about.

Other arseholes won the rest, who cares.

One did go to the Green Party, well done there.

So now, another five years with David Cameron, unless his party continues their proud tradition, and brutally backstabs him, metaphorically speaking, probably.

David_Cameron_official

LOOK AT HIM! AHHAHAHAHA! FUCK YOU!

About Ragnarokz

I am the Managing Director of the Balfour Institute of Internet Culture, and one of the world's foremost experts on the cultural phenomena of the Internet.
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