Cru the Dwarf: Drunken Duck is a Cesspit

Cru the Dwarf is a pretty bloody bad webcomic. It’s yet another World of Warcraft comic using machinima style posing using whatever useless bollocks they can drag out of the World of Warcraft files.

This is just about the worst piece of shit the entire retarded World of Warcraft subculture has ever vommited forth.
Can’t even make proper speech bubbles.

Cru the Dwarf probably started out as a joke, a rather bland and boring joke, with the rather large defeciency of not being funny at all. Unfortunately for the rest of the human race, it didn’t stay that way, it became the mad attempt of a deranged “author” forcing a fanfiction into a visual medium.

So it went from jokes about Night Elves being fanservice, into some twisted mess of timetravel and dragon’s getting impregnated by perverted dwarves. Let me restate that line in bold with swearing: FUCKING DRAGON GETTING FUCKED BY A UTTERLY IMMATURE PERVERTED DIMWITTED DWARF, but it’s okay, she was in her elven form.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Look, a Star Wars reference, aren't I delightfully meta?
A FUCKING DRAGON!

Yup. Couldn’t you just have stuck with pointless pop-culture Cru, hey, I didn’t even notice. IT’S A FUCKING SELF-INSERTION FANTASY TOO, oh the humanity. Why didn’t you just stick to your poor jokes Cru? Why?


Oh yeah, they sucked too.

It even steals an entire character from a much better drawn, but equally stupid, webcomic Looking for Group, and then Sean F, which is actually the name he now uses, tries to meta his way out of it, by constantly pointing it out. Well done Sean, got tired of people pointing out how odd your dwarf-dragon furry fetish really is?


I have no words.

But still have plenty of words about Drunken Duck, the Cesspit of Cesspit of the greater Webcomic world, and I use “world” because using the actualy words that comes through my mind “Zi dingir n Da Shurrim ma kanpa” is Sumerian straight from the Necronomicon, used to drive away fucking evil.

Here’s a fine example of the avarage Drunken Duck comic, except this one isn’t done in some 3D software, but is actually drawn, poorly. Etheral Legacies is some fucking incomphrensible fantasy webcomic that makes about as much sense as Lord of the Rings on backwards Kazakh.

It’s basically just a load of fanservice, I’m even vaguely insulted when it throws out a “Valkyrie” without even remotely realizing that an actual valkyrie would wear full armour and a giant bloody battleaxe, not have her tits hanging out and wear nothing but underwear, also, they can FUCKING FLY!

It’s plot makes no sense, and it’s all tits.

NEW AGE FUCKING VAMPIRES!

Charby the Vampirate is one hell of an odd one. I can’t actually force myself to read this one, because all I see is a little anime styled kid with a mouthful of fangs.

And I hate it. It’s apparently one of the top ten “best” webcomics on Drunken duck, which makes no sense, until you realize it’s actually just one of the top ten most popular webcomic, and then it all makes sense. It’s a cultural facts that there exist a sizeable subculture that rejoices in vampires and anime and all that shit.

can be more generic, if it had a panty shot.
Talking about anime.

Drunken Duck also has a lot of anime.

poorly drawn doesnt stop it from being on the top ten

And alot of poorly drawn crap.

And do they ever have a lot of pornographic webcomic.

But rejoice:

It’s not all crap. This is the chapter page from the latest chapter of Anathema, which is quite well drawn, has fairly interesting characters, one is a seemingly easy-going vampire, another is yet another cleric who uses evil to fight evil, and has a fair bit of collateral damage.

It’s decent, and has a fair bit of appeal, if nothing else, because the main character has enough flaws to make her anti-Mary Sue.

Will be interesting to see her eksentialist dread carry on.

A last honorable mention to The Gods of ArrKelaan, the grand old man of Drunken Duck, who deserves much more, and yet still remains.

weee

My closing statement is simply this:

Cru the Dwarf is the fourth worst webcomic I have ever paid any sort of notice to, it symbolizes pointless storylines, poor jokes, festishism and fan service.

It also symbolizes everything that’s wrong with a lack of quality control, thus Drunken Duck, and partly Comic Genesis, but that’s for later.

Aion: Tower of Obvious Grind

Let’s get something out of the way before I start pouring out the bile and hatred on this little stupid Korean MMORPG.

It’s very, very, very pretty. In most cases, when it comes to the environment and scenery, I’ll go as far as “beautiful”, and that’s going far when it comes from the horrible human being who adores Impressionist art.

The environment is utterly alien and completely awesome, it vaguely reminds you of old Morrowind, simply because you see so much odd shit, unlike World of Warcraft, which is actually fairly generic fantasy bollocks.

The character design is as retarded as you’d expect from a Korean MMO, utterly useless armour, wings, bling and more bling.

It’s like some accidentally walked into a Cosplay convention covered in glue. Which I suppose is what Aion’s primary focus group wants: Anime chicks in steel bikinis. Or anime chick in metal dominatrix gear.

It’s silly, useless and about as practical as a sword during the Battle of Midway, standing on a battleship, on the Japanese side, before it gets fistful of torpedoes up it’s ass.


Now, onto the actual gameplay.

It plays like World of Warcraft, pretty much like World of Warcraft, select enemy, murder it, collect loot, enjoy the seething anger of Greenpeace.

There’s one or two stupid little gimmicks and one pretty large stupid gimmick. One of the small ones is the whole combo system, which I believe Age of Conan introduced into mainstream MMOs, which works I suppose, the timing doesn’t have to be absolute, so at least they know about the concept of lag.

The second much larger gimmick, and the one Aion’s been selling itself on, is flight. When you get to lvl 10, you go though a silly little cutscene, get a pair of wings and what? 40 or 50 seconds worth of flight. Woohooo!

I’ll admit that the ability to attack from the air is awesome, to bad there’s plenty of place where you can’t fly, due to gameplay issues and magic wizards of Oz.

So it remains a gimmick.

Now I never made it beyond lvl 12ish, because the game is boring as all hell, if you’re not some weaboo lunatic who lusts after Son-Goku’s useless arse.

I suppose it’s heaven for that particular part of the market, but it’s not heaven for any sane person with tastes that move beyond flashy lights and big muscular men screaming at each other.

Supposedly, there’s alot of active PvP and bollocks, but then, supposedly, Atlantis lies in Sweden and Copenhagen is the capital of Amsterdam.

So yeah, plays like World of Warcraft, looks pretty, has retarded character design only a delusional madman could possibly enjoy.

Which brings me to a small little spot of hatred: The female voices, occasionally you’ll get to hear your character produce some odd moans and noises, presumably in order to be “awesome” or something similar.

To bad the experience was ruined when my supposedly dark and hardcore fireball-slinging sorceress squaked like a four-year old during a cut-scene.

Dear merciful Osiris, they didn’t obliterate the retarded Asian high-pitched girlish scream from the game when they transferred it to the West?

Why am I surprised? This is a game for the deranged anime fans who watch Naruto like it was the second coming of Napoleon.

Anything else? Oh yeah, as I said, I never actually managed to get anywhere impressive with this silly game, so I’ll leave you with this, possibly outdated, little image:

Now, to be fair, I don’t know if it’s still accurate, but the fact that a company is capable of misjudging the entire MMO customer base of the Western world that badly, is kinda scary.

This isn’t the old EverQuest years NCSoft, there aren’t many hardcore loser gamers left, they’ve all gone casual, or have somehow managed to get a life.

The final verdict? Don’t buy this piece of shit, spend your money on something more useful.

Like a lobotomy.