Dominic Deegan: Orc Rape! Noses!

Dominic Deegan isn’t terribly good, really, it isn’t. The art style is childish and the story-lines are bland self-righteous blather, and if anyone knows anything about self-righteousness it’s me, because I’m basically King Troglodyte of Internet Righteousness, Supreme Overlord of Clownfarts.


The start, and what everyone hoped was the end.

Let’s do a basic recap of the amazing “universe” of Dominic Deegan, Oracle for Hire, the titular character Dominic Deegan starts out as a sarcastic git who can see the future. And then the entire plot just starts out with some bollocks about a girl with fangs and so on.

It’s suppose to be some sort of pseudo-fantasy medieval world, but hey, guess what, only the setting is medieval, the society is a weird mess of the post-modern society of today, and the ultra-oppressive society of the fucking dark ages. There’s absolutely no consistence, which can be rather jarring if you have just a basic foundation of the thirteenth centuries history and customs.


Oh how utterly random!

So it randomly flips between conflicting cultures and societies, each based purely on whatever insane thought went though the creators utterly deluded mind, it’s like watching a five year old child’s odd day dreams, just not cool.

Unless it’s Axe Cop, but only because Axe Cop is unrelentingly honest about itself.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH!
What?

Seriously, look at their faces! Look at them, in case you may have some difficulty reading the childish emotions of their hideous bug faces, which is admittedly rather hard, they are overjoyed by the prospect of alcohol.

A pair of grown human being, one of who is a fucking all-seeing conduit of other or some such nonsense, and the other an odd-looking cursed sorcesress of some power, are overwhelmed by sheer ecstasy by complimentary alcohol!

What the flying shit is this? Was Mookie trying to abstain from his apparent alcoholism when he wrote this drivel?

Grown adult mature people do not rejoice in eternal rapture over free fucking booze, not unless they are Irish.

Dominic Deegan pretty much hasn’t got anything else, there’s literally nothing else beyond this maniac’s deranged dream world, joyfully ignoring all the sheer dreadful horror of most of the damn world he somehow conjured up from the depraved corners of his dark soul.

You see this shit? Yeah, that’s from back in 2006 or so, that’s what, four years ago, a large improvement from his start way back in 2002, still complete bollocks, but improving.

Nothing, no change, four years of work and absolutely nothing’s changed, the storyline died ages ago, the art is stagnate.

Congratulations fans of Dominic Deegan, you’re delightfully sad webcomic is dead as a fucking stone. It’s like Mookie’s just vomiting forth the same tiresome bollocks every single weekday, just letting his adoringly tasteless fans gobble it all up.

It’s frankly astonishing.

The complete lack of any consistency in Dominic Deegan’s storyline and characters makes for a reading experience that really only a wildly schizophrenic maniac with poor self-control could ever enjoy.

The characters never really settle into anything really definable, they simply are what they are, and only change due to random acts of Deus Ex Machina, no character development beyond the utterly obvious, it’s like watching Star Trek Voyager again, just without the Emergency Medical Hologram rendering a bright light through the misery.

Oh look, a joke, right in the middle of an otherwise “serious” story about poorly organized crime in some backwater piece of crap city, how joyful.

Who thinks this shit is funny? The mentally ill? Attention-starved nerds who see themselves a talking cat?

I haven’t got a clue.

And yes, loosing any control of your rampaging emotions is a wonderful thing to do, just about as wonderful as vomiting on starving hobos and laught joyously.

I don’t think Dominic Deegan has even single character who could function in the real world, which isn’t that odd, seeing as it’s creator can’t fucking function in the real world.

Oh yeah, and before his present, “You can escape from hell by being a GOOD GUY AND REPENTING” story this mind-numbing moron’s presently working on, he made some confusing commentary on modern music being all the same and how metal is the best thing EVAAAARRRR!!!

He present the storyline roughly as good as Goering would have presented a Power Point on Woman’s Rights. For those who are unable to get obscure jokes about Nazi figure’s incompetence and womanising, go look it up.

I think that just about warp everything up, time for the final statement.

Dominic Deegan, Oracle for Hire, is the second worst webcomic I have ever had the sad misfortune of stumbling upon, it’s basically perfect demonstration of a webcomic who has died. No life remains in Dominic Deegan it’s all gone, it didn’t have much left, and it’s now just maintained by the foul Necromancy of nerds.

As an addition, I’d point out that the author, Mookie, is a horrible human being, for defending his use of rape, as a story element, in a simple-mindedly stupid comedy webcomic.

Cru the Dwarf: Drunken Duck is a Cesspit

Cru the Dwarf is a pretty bloody bad webcomic. It’s yet another World of Warcraft comic using machinima style posing using whatever useless bollocks they can drag out of the World of Warcraft files.

This is just about the worst piece of shit the entire retarded World of Warcraft subculture has ever vommited forth.
Can’t even make proper speech bubbles.

Cru the Dwarf probably started out as a joke, a rather bland and boring joke, with the rather large defeciency of not being funny at all. Unfortunately for the rest of the human race, it didn’t stay that way, it became the mad attempt of a deranged “author” forcing a fanfiction into a visual medium.

So it went from jokes about Night Elves being fanservice, into some twisted mess of timetravel and dragon’s getting impregnated by perverted dwarves. Let me restate that line in bold with swearing: FUCKING DRAGON GETTING FUCKED BY A UTTERLY IMMATURE PERVERTED DIMWITTED DWARF, but it’s okay, she was in her elven form.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Look, a Star Wars reference, aren't I delightfully meta?
A FUCKING DRAGON!

Yup. Couldn’t you just have stuck with pointless pop-culture Cru, hey, I didn’t even notice. IT’S A FUCKING SELF-INSERTION FANTASY TOO, oh the humanity. Why didn’t you just stick to your poor jokes Cru? Why?


Oh yeah, they sucked too.

It even steals an entire character from a much better drawn, but equally stupid, webcomic Looking for Group, and then Sean F, which is actually the name he now uses, tries to meta his way out of it, by constantly pointing it out. Well done Sean, got tired of people pointing out how odd your dwarf-dragon furry fetish really is?


I have no words.

But still have plenty of words about Drunken Duck, the Cesspit of Cesspit of the greater Webcomic world, and I use “world” because using the actualy words that comes through my mind “Zi dingir n Da Shurrim ma kanpa” is Sumerian straight from the Necronomicon, used to drive away fucking evil.

Here’s a fine example of the avarage Drunken Duck comic, except this one isn’t done in some 3D software, but is actually drawn, poorly. Etheral Legacies is some fucking incomphrensible fantasy webcomic that makes about as much sense as Lord of the Rings on backwards Kazakh.

It’s basically just a load of fanservice, I’m even vaguely insulted when it throws out a “Valkyrie” without even remotely realizing that an actual valkyrie would wear full armour and a giant bloody battleaxe, not have her tits hanging out and wear nothing but underwear, also, they can FUCKING FLY!

It’s plot makes no sense, and it’s all tits.

NEW AGE FUCKING VAMPIRES!

Charby the Vampirate is one hell of an odd one. I can’t actually force myself to read this one, because all I see is a little anime styled kid with a mouthful of fangs.

And I hate it. It’s apparently one of the top ten “best” webcomics on Drunken duck, which makes no sense, until you realize it’s actually just one of the top ten most popular webcomic, and then it all makes sense. It’s a cultural facts that there exist a sizeable subculture that rejoices in vampires and anime and all that shit.

can be more generic, if it had a panty shot.
Talking about anime.

Drunken Duck also has a lot of anime.

poorly drawn doesnt stop it from being on the top ten

And alot of poorly drawn crap.

And do they ever have a lot of pornographic webcomic.

But rejoice:

It’s not all crap. This is the chapter page from the latest chapter of Anathema, which is quite well drawn, has fairly interesting characters, one is a seemingly easy-going vampire, another is yet another cleric who uses evil to fight evil, and has a fair bit of collateral damage.

It’s decent, and has a fair bit of appeal, if nothing else, because the main character has enough flaws to make her anti-Mary Sue.

Will be interesting to see her eksentialist dread carry on.

A last honorable mention to The Gods of ArrKelaan, the grand old man of Drunken Duck, who deserves much more, and yet still remains.

weee

My closing statement is simply this:

Cru the Dwarf is the fourth worst webcomic I have ever paid any sort of notice to, it symbolizes pointless storylines, poor jokes, festishism and fan service.

It also symbolizes everything that’s wrong with a lack of quality control, thus Drunken Duck, and partly Comic Genesis, but that’s for later.

The Pointless labyrinthine story of Sluggy Freelance

Sluggy Freelance, a comic that was intially started by Ptahoptep, Vizier of Djedkare Isesi around 2500 BC, the date of the start of it, has fortunately been lost to history.


Oldest Recorded instance of Sluggy Freelance.

Sluggy Freelance is a fucking ancient webcomic, starting out when the Internet was still young and full of porno, which it still is, it’s just of a higher resolution. It’s absolutely ancient and the story lines makes no sense at all. It’s a confusing mess of random crap, old memes and painfully slow “stories”.


Oldest Modern recording of Sluggy Freelance.

It has a gallery of characters which, for it’s time, was pretty fitting: Lazy nerd guy, crazy inventor guy, crazy evil chick and a completely normal young woman, who at this stage, should have lost her mind a long time ago.

In addition, such wonderful supporting characters as: A talking rabbit, an alien that keeps changing shape; pretty sure it’s presently in the shape of a furry’s wet dream and a crazy one-eyed old inventor guy.


RAAAAAAAAANDOM!

Nothing that has been happening in this comic makes any sense any more, it’s been running for so painfully long, that absolutely nothing happens any more. The drawing has been slightly improving over time, SLIGHTLY!

You’d think that after 4.500 years of drawing this crap, that it would actually improve drastically, but no, it hasn’t really changed in any serious way in the last few years.

Why?

The fans of course. It has a small loyal fanbase, and seeing as they depend virtually entirely on their donations then:


Don’t waste your time, the drawing doesn’t exist

They don’t dare change anything, out of a fear that they’ll end up losing their ever precious fans. So they simply stagnate in increasingly more and more bewildering storylines, alienating new readers and scaring away old readers when they realize that fuck all has happened in 4.500 years of reading this crap.


A storyline about mind switching and lingerie just ended here. Sounds fun doesn’t it?

It fucking isn’t.

It’s just another piece of fanservice to their small horde of drooling fans, attempting to get into Sluggy Freelance would presently require the use of the combined Archaeology Department of Cambridge University, a blessing from Horus and Richard Dawkins screaming “DAAARWIN” into your left ear.

Not really worth the effort eh?

Not much change since the great Viziers work eh?

And the damn layout hasn’t changed since 1996 AD.

Remember: Subscribe to my Twitter to get updates when it happens, rather than randomly check my site during the day.

This is a resurected review dragged out of the distant garbage pit of the now derelict ragnarokz.net site.

And for good measure, Sluggy Freelance is the sixth worst webcomic I have ever liked when I was young and stupid.