Category Archives: Features of Failure

The Suez Crisis was a paramount failure

Join me as we go back, way back, all the way back to 342 Before the Common Era, when Nectanebo II, after many years of struggle, finally lost Memphis to the Persians and had to flee south to Nubia, he would ultimately be the last native Egyptian ruler to rule Egypt, all the way up to 1922 CE, when Egypt would gain a semblance of freedom from their overlords of the time, the British Empire.

After Nectanebo II Egypt would be ruled by in order chronological: The Persians, the Greeks (Alexander the Great, then the dynasty of Ptolemy), the Romans, the Persians again, the Romans one more time, then the Arabs under the Abbasid, then de jure the Fatimids and de facto the Mamluks (The Mamluk Sultans were so many nationalities that most Historians just group them as Mamluks, otherwise we’d be here all day), the Ottoman Turks were next, then it becomes a bit tricky.

Enter Napoleon Bonaparte, his Egyptian expedition in 1798 basically threw a giant wrench into the already fairly unstable political system, oh yeah, the French conquered Egypt too, briefly at least. Napoleon’s supporting fleet was blasted into pieces during the Battle of the Nile, one of Nelson’s battles, causing him to flee back to France, leaving his army behind.

This left a three-way struggle behind, the Ottoman Turks, the nominally Egyptian Mamluks and of all things, Albanian Mercenaries, that’s right, Albanians, the Ottoman Empire was a fun part of history, it basically spread nationalities everywhere.

In 1805, Muhammad Ali Pasha won, using the oldest trick in the book, he massacred everyone else, he’d manage to gain independence for his Egypt, now ruled by an Albanian dynasty, so technically speaking, the Albanians were next.

In 1822 the British basically became the next and ultimately the final colonial overlord of Egypt, using a nationalist uprising as pretext, they’d maintain effective control of Egypt from that point forward, the French being allowed to retain their share of the Suez Canal, the single most important strategic overseas position of the British Empire, thanks to the Jewel that always will be India.

I have no real reason to add this picture.

This would finally end in 1952, when the last of Pasha’s successors would be overthrown in a Nationalist and Republican Revolution, the last British soldiers withdrew two years later.

Which brings us to the Suez Crisis, the last final gasp of the diminishing Superpowers that were the French and British Empires, the Suez canal was at the time of the Crisis in 1956, carrying over half of the oil needed for the British economy, so when Nasser decided to nationalize the Canal company, the British and the French lost their fucking minds.

Literally, Anthony Eden was prime minster of the UK at the time, and was described as a man of “weakened nerves”, poor bugger had been Foreign Minister under Churchill during the Second World War, not something everyone makes it out of intact, he wasn’t the man he used to be, being terrified of a second Hitler.

Now Gamal Abdel Nasser had a simply reason for nationalizing the Suez, the West wouldn’t sell him the weapons he needed to “defend” himself from the Israeli, this was the time when the Egyptians actually wanted to drive the Israeli into the sea, these days they probably would be happy to have them visit as tourists.

The Western Powers couldn’t sell him any cool stuff, mostly because only the Americans could afford cool stuff and I’d remind everyone that this is a time where the largest Jewish population could be found in New York City, no way Eisenhower was going to sell Nasser anything.

So he turned to the Soviets, bought cool shit from the Czechoslovakians and told the west to go suck it, which caused them to retract an offer to build the Aswan Dam, so he nationalized the Canal so he could afford to built it.


The British, French and the Israeli then attacked and absolutely wiped the floor with the Egyptians, which probably shouldn’t surprise anyone at all, the British and French armies still had a lot of experienced Officers from World War Two, their navies were immensely superior to anything the Egyptians could vaguely assemble, the Israeli had access to all the cool military equipment from the west and a significant chunk of their Officers were also World War Two veterans and the 1948 Arab-Israeli war.

However, Nasser knew what he was doing, he understood something that the British and the French refused to grasp, their time was over, the rise of the United States of America and the Union of Socialist Soviet Republics was already a reality and that they’d have to accept their new roles as big powers, rather than Superpowers.

After both of the two new powers threaten to essentially nuke the shit out of both the French and the British, they both retreated and accepted the new order of the world, the Israeli withdrew shortly afterwards, Nasser got to keep his new canal, had to give a few minor concessions to keep everyone happy, Lester B. Pearson got a Nobel Peace Prize for hashing out a treaty, the Soviets got a big prestige win and Nasser got to throw out a bunch of Jews.

The failure here was the old Powers not realizing just how old they were.

The utter delight of the Windscale pile is today’s miserable failure

Let me paint you a lovely picture, not one with pretty clouds and lovely bushes, not one with a romantic and silly national pride imagery, not one of haystacks viewed through the impressions of the artist, the picture I paint is one of the last gasps of imperialism of a dying empire and the early whispers of the Cold War.

It’s a picture of unrelenting stubbornness and sheer bleeding national pride, a picture propelled into being by the American cutting off their British allies from that sweet pipeline of nuclear mysteries, a picture of rapid and unrelenting development of plutonium manufacturing capabilities, barreling through all opposition, all logic and all problems.

This is what INSANITY looks like!

In 1949 the American closed the door completely and totally on all nuclear cooperation, for some awful nationalistic nonsense reason, or possibly because the UK was full of Soviet infiltrators and their entire administration was leaking like a fucking sieve.

Either way, this meant that the British had to go and build their very own plutonium manufacturing nuclear pile, without all the experimentation the Americans had done in their own nuclear madness, the British only knew a few bits and pieces and for some reason decided to go with an air-cooled Nuclear Reactor.

I’ll give you a few seconds to get that one through you thick old sculls, a Nuclear Reactor with the same cooling system as a standard laptop, the difference being a simply matter of scale, now I’m no nuclear physicist, but this doesn’t seem that particular safe, letting open free air just flow past your active fissile core of radioactive delight.

The reason for this apparent madness, was obvious one of convenience and speed, they British Empire needed it’s precious nukes at any cost necessary, sanity be damned, unfortunate that this probably resulted in the release of small amounts of radioactive material over the years.

Then there was the location, the British government in its usual way of utter madness, went with a location right next to a failing vacation spot alongside the coast, in an area whose agricultural sector was dedicated to the dairy production, milk being especially susceptible to Iodine pollution, Iodine-131 being something of a villainous isotope, that will be important very, very soon.

Basically, this whole Air-cooled monstrosity was designed to Enrich Uranium from the harmless variations into for example, mother Plutonium, this is basically done inside the reactor, through manipulation of the neutron exposure.

Just watch this, just remove steam and electricity with AIR AND PLUTONIUM,

This pile, caught on fire and that’s why the Windscale Fire is a a Level Five on the International Nuclear Event Scale, there’s just seven levels in total. Around 200 people died because of the fire, a fire caused by the damn thing being basically a giant pile of Uranium, graphite and a bit of boron, about as safe as Chemical factory in Texas, cooled by fucking air.

Still, the British got their nuclear bomb and a 100 billion £ sterling cleanup of what is now called Sellafield, hey, jobs for ten thousand people, and it’s not like anyone wants to live along the English coastline anyways.

This is a nice long list of the many failures of Fallout 76

Today we cover a great deal many of the hilarious failures of Bethesda Game Studios’ absolutely terrible Fallout 76.

First among it’s many sins, is the fact that is a “Games as a Service” concept, a online multiplayer game that drip feeds content in order to keep players buying severely useless micro-transactions junk in an online store bolted on the game, like some horribly cancerous malignant growth.

A significant chunk of the assets are recycled from Fallout 4, using the same engine, and engine that could be very reasonable described as “hideously outdated” or more accurately as “pre-historic”, except that parts that were reused from Skyrim, the Scorchbeast of Fallout 76 uses the same code as the dragons from Skyrim, including the famous “the dragon is flying backwards” bug.

This game was released as a full price 60 US$, even through it’s just a half-baked multiplayer mod for Fallout 4, mind you, the price started cratering like you wouldn’t believe within days of launch, there was a 12% sale after SIX days on Green Man Gaming, hell, 22 days after the release, you could get Fallout 76 for 40 US$, if that isn’t an indicator for failure, then fuck off you muppet.


So many bugs, many of the bugs would be patched out and then somehow back in, for reasons that are explained by the chosen engine: “Creation Engine”, that was shat out from the Gamebryo engine about seven years ago, The Gamebryo engine died back in 2015 by the way and nobody cares about it, the Creation Engine is a freakshow that really doesn’t work anymore.

And then there was the Collector’s Edition, now as a sensible person, I find most Collector’s Editions tremendously silly and very much stupid, so frankly, it was fitting for the idiots to get punished for their total lack of self-control, but on the other hand, customer rights.

This is what the Collector’s Edition looked like, note the bag.

The Edition came with the usual dumb shit nobody sane ought to ever care about and that Canvas bag up in the corner, I don’t mind that one at all, at least it’s a bag, it can always be used as a bag.

This is what the bag actually looked like, lovely canvas eh?

Holy shit, did the fans who bought this massive failure of a game go absoluetly apeshit and with good reasons, this kind of deceptive practices are banned in most civilized countries and even the US, so Bethesda went on DAMAGE Control! Offering no less than FIVE HUNDRED Super-Premium-Cash-Shop-Microtransactions Atoms, which is around five bucks, of imaginary money, for a digital artifact, that doesn’t cost them anything, an ironically wasn’t enough to actually buy the in-game canvas bag, a part of the postman set, cost 550 Atoms, the irony.

This was for the INFLUENCERS! Didn’t do much though.

And of course, the precious Influencers got their little special bag, because we all need more reasons to hate them with a burning passion.

Oh yeah, they did manage to get proper bags out in the end.

In the end, Bethesda finally gave up and actually shipped out bags made of canvas, even after they claimed that sourcing CANVAS was very difficult.

Then on the 23rd of April this very year, they went all out Pay2Win on our arses, releasing “Basic Repair Kits”, that you can only buy for REAL money in the Atom Shop (No, the tiny amounts of free Atom Premium currency you get isn’t enough for anything sane, it’s just used to encourage you to spend, you feeble-minded troglodyte), sure, a drop of “Improved Repair Kits” could fall out of the Random Number Generator, but the odds are stacked against you.

Then the start of September, they released two little extra things on the Atom Shop, a bunch of robots that automatically scavenge the local area for you, giving you a massive advantage in that you can concentrate on other activities rather than scavenging for parts, pretty big in a game about Survival, and a Refrigerator that reduce spoilage of you food with 50%, essentially reducing gathering/hunting for food with, guess what, 50%, again, big advantage in a sodding survival game.

And then on the 25th of September 2019, the T-51b Power Armor collectible helmets, that you can buy in shops if you’re an idiot, are now being recalled, I also wonder why a “collectible” that has a production number of 20.000 can really be called a “collectible”, but no matter, some of the fabric inserts apparently “may” contain mold, well done.

And just as a final word on this dismal failure.

Yup, Fallout 76 have pretty much sold bugger all, compared all of the never Fallout games.

MoviePass has suffered an ignominious death and it today’s failure

In the hallowed year of Kafka’s 2011, MoviePass was founded by some guy from the record industry and who cares. It was founded for the usual Startup reason of “disrupting” the way we see Movies in the Cinema.

They started out being basically a website you could get voucher for movie tickets, but later transitioned into the usual standard application methods, that everyone everywhere uses every single day.

At several points in their history, you could get unlimited plans, essentially giving you free movies in return for a subscription, the terms and conditions varied wildly from year to year due to the company being a sodding mess.

Which present the first of many issues this company had, it’s pricing was an absolute mess, some period of it’s lifespan it had Peak Pricing, meaning that sometimes the prices would be higher, sometimes not.

Frankly, I’d love to see the business plan of MoviePlan, it seems to be fairly close to this:

A solid Business Plan!

Shock and Horror! In 2017 MoviePass sold a majority stake of themselves to Helios and Matheson Analytics, a company that sounds like a front for someone living in a Volcano lair.

This was ostensibly done as a method of acquiring data on people’s movie watching habits, it didn’t actually solve the company’s core issue of “How the fuck does this make money?”. Mind you, the founders managed to get out of the mess back in 2018 thanks to Helios and Matheson, purveyors of BIG DATA.

So Pricing was a problem, you know what else? The cinema chains where for some peculiar reason, not terrible happy about this entire venture and resisted it thoroughly, refusing to cooperate, presumably because MoviePass didn’t even bother to ask.

Add in standard security issues and the loss of account data and you’ve got it all.

They even released a couple of movies: American Animals, who reviewed really well and Gotti, which is one of a handful of movies that has a ZERO on Rotten Tomatoes, the user score was 80% favorable at a point, which obviously reeks of review manipulation.

Not that any of it matters, MoviePass died on September the 14th in the Year of Machiavelli of 2019, and nothing was changed at all.

To put this in a nice academical perspective using Osterwalder’s Business Model, MoviePass failed to:

  • Determine Key Partners (Cinemas, movie distributors, movie studios)
  • Cost Structure (What costs use the real money? Whales, lack of usage)
  • Revenue Streams (I have no clue how this mess would even really make money, unless you’re somehow going for the Health Club option, subscribe and never go there)
  • Channels (To some degree, they App ought to have been there from the start)
This is the Business Model Canvas, OBEY!

Failure was inevitable, however, the founders got out without suffering any real consequences, Stacy Spikes is now running a targeted Cinema add company and Hamet Watt has several Board seats and Venture activities.

So that’s the lesson kids, fail your way to success!

Chris Grayling is a endless story of failure

Chris Grayling was born on the first of April 1962 and didn’t really start failing consistently until 1993, where the company he worked for as a manager, failed due to SAT non-payment.

He then lost an election in 1997, losing with a margin of more than ten-thousand, his Tory masters then dumped him in an ultra-safe seat in 1998 and he has remained their ever since, his electorate are mainly made of semi-sentient water fowl.

He then spent nine years (2001-2010) in the Shadow Cabinet, which sounds cool, but really, it’s just the British opposition pretending to be in power, so they can claim they’d “do everything better than the sitting government”, even if they couldn’t. He developed a reputation as an attack dog during this period.


He then got caught in the Expenses scandal of the time, he’d maintained a tax-payer paid and tax-payer renovated apartment near to Parliament, even though he live 17 miles away. 5000 £ and an severe embarrassment was the price paid, he’d been attacking Labour politicians about the very same issues at the time.

He then claimed that an area in Manchester, called Moss Side, was just like amazing crime drama “The Wire”, despite the fact that Moss Side had had absolutely zero gun-related deaths and that greater Manchester had reported a 82% drop in gang-related shootings.

In 2010 Grayling failed his way into government and being in charge of the Department for Work and Pensions, he just did the usual Tory nonsense, cuts to job centers and blaming “workshy elements”.

In 2012 he got a promotion, he was made Lord Chancellor, the British Justice Minister/Secretary, his performance was described by Lord Pannick as ” “notable only for his attempts to restrict judicial reviews and human rights, his failure to protect the judiciary against criticism from his colleagues and the reduction of legal aid to a bare minimum.”

He banned people from sending books to prisoners, for no reason at all, no rational reason at least. He manages to increase re-offending rates by spending 400 million pounds more, which doesn’t seem right. Most of his “innovations” during his tenure have either already been abolished or will be next year, even Gove didn’t like his work here.

Dull as shit, easy to fuck up!

In 2015 he was promoted again, this time to Leader of the Commons, but he only lasted until 2016, when he was kicked over the Department of Transport.

  • He refused a request from the Mayor of London to gain control of a rail franchise that really would have been better in their hand, because Sadiq Khan is a labour member.
  • He open his door into a cyclist.
  • He cancelled railway electrification schemes in Northern England, because fuck the North.
  • He didn’t penalize a private company for fucking up a timetable change, because he changed the contract in 2017.
  • Not caring about drones, resulting in the Gatwick airport drone disturbances.
  • He then paid Seaborne Freight 13.8 million £ for emergency Brexit ferries, Seaborne had never run any ferries and didn’t own any, so giving them the contract was dumb.
  • The other ferry companies, the ones with actually experience, got a 28 million £ bonus because Brexit still hasn’t happened.
  • And the new Class 800 trains are delayed and cost to much.

And Chris Greyling for some unfathomable reason remains Minister for Transport and a Member of Parliament. He also really hates being called Chris Failing.

Does he have blackmail material on everyone or something? How the hell does he keep getting elected? Are the water fowls really that easy to dupe?

Project Chariot and the glorious task of blowing the absolutely crap out of a desolate area of Alaska is today’s failure

It’s 1958, the glory days of utterly unmanaged nuclear experimentation, any idea involving the term “nuclear” will get coverage and funds from the US Atomic Energy Commission (AEC), no matter how insane, bizarre, derange, mad, impracticable and quixotic, after all, you couldn’t fall back in the race against the mighty Soviet Union.

The project arose, like a horrible mutated Phoenix, from Operation Plowshare, a reference to the old “beat their Swords into ploughshares” quote from Isaiah 2:3–4 in ye olde Christian bible. The Operation’s purpose was to somehow figure out a peaceful use for nuclear weapons, turning horrible world-ending mass explosives into something that could be useful for civilians.

A wonderful idea right? That is if you want to irradiate the ENTIRE BERING STRAIT!

Chariot was the brainchild and dearest concept of the Father of the Hydrogen Bomb, Edward Teller, whom I shall know tell you about, because I need an excuse to tell you about him, so fuck you.

Teller was a Hungarian-American theoretical physicist and like most the amazing physicist, he was a complete weirdo, unlike some physicists who just collected dolls or lunchboxes or typewriters, he was massive asshole, undeniably brilliant, huge motherfucker.

Known for the development of the Jahn–Teller effect, which describes something called Spontaneous symmetry breaking, which I guess makes something asymmetrical, somehow, somewhere, sometime, fish and the Ashkin–Teller model (Or Potts model) which has something to do with interacting spins on crystal lattice and I have never ever written something like that in my entire glorious existence, no clue what it means.

And finally, the last one, the HYDROGEN BOMB, the biggest, meanest, baldest and craziest nuclear device you can possibly play with, also known as THERMONUCLEAR weapons, they are essentially a small fission or conventional nuclear bomb inside of a shell of fusion fuels, originally deuterium and tritium, these days something called lithium deuteride, which apparently reacts absolutely delightfully with water, presumable it reacts even better under the vast heat and significant pressure of a nuclear blast.

Teller loved his nukes, he loved experimenting with them, he loved to see them exploded, he even loved Ronald Reagan stupid Strategic Defense Initiative, Teller died in 2003 at the age of 95, his deep desire to see shit blow up was the reason for his passionate desire to see Project Chariot become a horrible radioactive reality.

Nothing here at all

Now, for the Project itself, initially Teller’s passion spread like an STD at a festival, until it reached the environmental groups, who basically shat themselves in sheer horror, pointing out that this whole idea would almost certainly just result in massive radioactive damage to the local area, and for once the AEC actually agreed and put the whole mess in “abeyance”, which is a fancy way of not cancelling a project while cancelling the project.

Didn’t help that they were lacking a very important factor for any project in any capitalist country: A buyer, nobody wanted a harbour in the area.

Fuck! Why would anybody want a harbour there? In the sixties the place was basically ice-packed most of the year!

And obviously, it didn’t end this easily, the madmen did several experiment in the area to test how the radiation could potentially spread in the area and then disposed of the test material from the test sites in Nevada, by just burying the whole mess in the ground, and unlike the dwarves of Moria, they did not dig too deep.

They buried the site in 62, thirty years later some bored student found the records in the archives, shat himself and told the Alaskan government, who then shat themselves and basically went straight the site to see what the fuck the old loonies at the AEC had done, the result? Discovered radioactive material less than two feet from the flowing water, no fucking wonder the locals in the nearby Inuit settlement of Cape Hope were all dying of cancer.

The lessons learned? Don’t FUCKING USE NUKES FOR ANYTHING!

Project Plowshare is today’s tremendously dangerous failure

Project Plowshare was the United States Atomic Energy Commission’s forlorn attempt to somehow develop civilian uses for nuclear weapons, the idea being that activities and operations the would require significant amount of explosives, could use nuclear devices instead of enormous amount of TNT.

It also developed into, essentially, early experiments with fracking, just instead of using water pressure to fuck around with the geology of an area, they used smaller nuclear bombs, ranging from 29 kilotons to 43 kilotons.

Now the “civilian” uses of nuclear explosions were concentrated into two broad categories:

  1. Using the explosions to essentially eliminate large formations for specific purposes.
    1. Project Carryall from 63 suggested using TWENTY-TWO nuclear devices to outright blow a canyon out of a mountain range, so two of the partners, California Division of Highways and the Santa Fe Railway, could build a motorway and railroad.
    1. Project Chariot: LET’S BLOW UP ALASKA.
  2. Various fracking experiments primarily aimed towards encouraging natural gas fields.

Now, fortunately, none of the first ever get anywhere, which the people of California and Alaska are probably very happy about, seeing as Californians don’t have to wear protective suits and gieger counters when driving along Interstate 40, nor do Alaskan have even more radioactive shit in their food.

However, the fracking experiment resulted in 27 test explosions, of whom, three were practical tests, actual detonation near gas fields, to observe he results.

I do enjoy the irony of “gnomes” being underground creatures.

Now, almost all of the experimental explosions were done at the Nevada test site, except the first one, Gnome, done near Carlsbad, New Mexico, close to several oil and gas fields, and right inside a salt field.

The explosion was actually a remarkable success, six months later a team drilled their way into the underground cavity created and found that the radiation was only five milliroentgen, nothing special, temperatures inside the cavity was around 60 degrees Celsius, again, nothing spectacularly dangerous.

Yeah, let’s dig into a cavity created by a nuclear explosion deep underground, what could go wrong?

So they plowed on, the Sedan test was next, this was a test of Option One, using nukes for large-scale construction, 105 kilotons, caused an event of the Richter scale of 4.75, displaced eleven million tons of earth and created a crater 100 meters deep and 360 meters in diameter, it’s also the source of seven per cent of all the radiation Americans have gotten as part of US nuclear tests, so well done there.


A side effect here, is the fact that the crater left behind, helped with developing new theories on how impact craters from meteor happened.

Hey, mildly radioactive tourist attraction is always cool, seeing as the wind gave Mississippi most of the radiation anyways.

Now, three fracking detonations were conducted too, let’s not forget them, they were Gasbuggy, Rulison and Rio Blanco 1-3 and all three had something utterly not surprising in common:

Radioactive gas, which someone figured that Californians might not enjoy radiation from their gas ovens and furnaces.

None of the gas from any of the fields were ever used for commercial purposes, only industrial, and the entire program was quietly defunded and stopped.

The lesson learned? Nuclear weapons are nuclear weapons, they are designed for the sole purpose of destruction, the radiation they carry with the massive destructive potential, render them utterly unsuitable for any other real purposes.

And if you think the Americans just stopped the quickly? Then join me tomorrow, as we discuss the Nuclear Explosions for the National Economy program of the Soviet Union, the red Version of Project Plowshares and I’ll illuminate your staggeringly misguided desire for more explosions.

The Republic of Nauru and their giant pile of shit is today’s rather unfortunate failure.

So, for those who are commiserable wretches with lacunae the size of the Pacific, Nauru is an island in the Pacific Ocean, it has some ten thousand really fat people living on it, it has basically two things going for it, fishing rights over its economic exclusivity zone and guano.

Thank you Atlas of Economic Complexity, for showing us just how bad it really is. (2017 Exports)

Guano? Right, bird shit, enormous staggering quantities of solidified bird shit, accumulated over thousands of years by vast flocks of marine birds, now turned into phosphate rock, which you can strip mine with utter banality of ease.

The mining started in 1906 and terminated utterly in 2002, thousands of years of birds shitting obliterated utterly in less than a century, not a bad track record, not bad at all. The unbelievable environmental damage is a totally different story, the interior of Nauru was basically a nightmare of jagged limestone pillars, with absolutely zero agricultural value and frankly very ugly.

Note the slight drop in the early 2000’s

Remember the first thing they had going for them? The fish? Yeah, the run off from the Phosphate mining basically wiped out forty per cent of the marine lifeforms within reach of the island, and island that doesn’t have a harbour due to ragged coral reefs surrounding then entire island, the only way they got the damn phosphate off the rock was using a large ram reaching above the reefs to pour the materials into the ships.

Now, Nauru did something very sensible, they established a Sovereign Wealth Fund, just like the Norwegians and several Arab nations have done, the Nauru Phosphate Royalties Trust, which began investing in various real estate projects around the globe, at it’s height, it amount to almost a billion US dollars.

It included:

  • Fiji: The Grand Pacific Hotel
  • India: Paradeep Phosphate
  • New Zealand: Auckland Sheraton Hotel, Roturua Sheraton Hotel
  • Philippines: Manila Pacific Star Hotel, Philippines Phosphate & Fertilisers
  • Contiguous United States: Pacific House (Washington), Singer Building Development (665 acres – Houston), Hillside Property (600 acres – Oregon)
  • Hawaii: Nauru Tower, Hawaiki Tower
  • Guam: Pacific Star Hotel
  • United Kingdom: 3 Chesham Street (London)
  • Samoa: Properties at Vaitele and Sogi
  • Australia: Nauru House 

Not bad right? Sure, but overspending and relentlessly poor management of the wealth contained, began to make itself known, they managed to burn off the cash reserves they had, meaning loans, that they couldn’t pay.

How mismanaged? One of the advisors to the fund, Duke Minks (A music producer, famously known for Unit 4 + 2, yeah I don’t know who that is either) recommended they invest two million pounds sterling in a musical, which he wrote.

Leonardo the Musical: A Portrait of Love, a giant of a musical, took four hours to perform, nobody stayed to watch, ran for five weeks, lost all the money.

In the end, the fund ran out of cash, it’s last attempt was a consolidation of their loans, essentially taking a giant loan from General Electric to pay everything off, it failed and GE seized what they could.

Yup, a railroad, it still counts!

The Phosphate was gone, the money was gone, hell, most of the island was gone. Nauru now survives from hosting a “processing center” for refugees arriving to Australia and not much else.

Add to that the literally most obese people on Earth, due their diet being mainly processed food, no cash, no tourism and no prospects.

But hey, at least they’ve got an airport and a railroad.

The lesson? That mineral wealth is very much finite and don’t waste it if you’re a stupid little island in the Pacific.


The Mummy from 2017 is today’s failure

The Mummy (2017) is a reboot of a reboot of the Original Mummy franchise, started way back in 1932 with good old Boris Karloff as the titular mummy. For those who are unaware, the image that pops into your head when I write Frankenstein’s Monster, is Boris Karloff, that’s how old this is.

The Mummy Franchise was rebooted once before, back in 1999 as a Adventure-Action movie series, similar in nature and design to Indiana Jones, just without the hat and whip, the two first one were pretty solid action-adventure movies, with a fair amount of comedy and jokes, interspaced with perfectly decent action sequences, the third one was absolutely dreadful and killed off that franchise back in 2008.


However, Marvel’s Movie universe began taking off and somebody in the depth of horror that is Universal Studios marketing department went “hang on, we’ve got a whole mess of monsters, don’t we? Why not make a Universe out of them? A DARK UNIVERSE!”

They basically did a sort of alpha test of it with Dracula Unleashed, but it was frankly dreadfully boring, and even Universal realized that and downplayed the whole connection.

The big takeoff was supposed to be the 2017 rebooted “The Mummy”, starring Tom Cruise, Sofia Boutella as the Mummy and Russell Crowe as Dr. Jekyll/Mr. Hyde. Tom Cruise? He stars as fucking Tom Cruise, the overwhelming domination that only Tom Cruise can do to a movie.

Sure, Tom Cruise is weird and probably not human, but he’s not that bad an actor at all, but this movie was called “The Mummy”, the focus ought to have been at least a little more on the Mummy, instead it was all about how Tom Cruise got superpowers and became Seth or something?

This was supposed to be a big franchise were the Mummy would have been part of it and they trap the Mummy at the end of the movie, she should have just vanished away or be temporarily sealed for some else to release later.

But nope, just Crowe hurling exposition about old nonsense and secret societies and then Cruise riding though the desert.

It killed the Dark Universe dead, the movie made about 400 million US$, the budget was around 125-195 million US$.

That may look like a success, but it isn’t, those figures don’t count marketing, add that to the total: 345 million US$, which is not enough to risk the establishment of a full franchise.

So the Dark Universe died before it basically started, there are still two other “Shared Universes” other than Marvels running: DC’s, of which only Wonder Woman and Aquaman are worth anything, and the Giant Monster thing with Godzilla and King Kong.

The DC movies have all but died and the last Godzilla didn’t do to well, we’ll see how Godzilla Vs King Kong will do.

These universes require a massive amount of work to ever get to work, but every single movie have to be good too and that’s a problem that Marvel have somehow managed to avoid so far.

The Twelve Battles of the Isonzo River is today’s staggeringly massive utterly wasteful failure.

It’s the 23rd of June 1915, the glorious Kingdom of Italy have just joined the Entente in the war against the Central Powers, they were promised territory, they didn’t get as much as they wanted, this failure was one of the reasons why.

It’s the end of June, 225.000 Italian soldiers attacked the Austro-Hungarian army across the valley of the river Isonzo, today called by its Slovenian name Soča, thousands of poor young boys flooded across the valley, under the fire of artillery and towards entrenched enemies on the opposing side, fourteen thousand dead for the Italians, ten thousand for the Austro-Hungarians, the Italians actually outnumbered their enemy 1:2.

The result? Two hills captured by the Italians, tactical victory to the Austrians, thus the first Battle ends.

The second? The Italians actually had some successes, it helped when they’ve got a quarter of a million men and the enemy has 78.000, unfortunately, the Italians also had Luigi Cadorna, an incompetent idiot if ever you ran into one, the very personification of Italian military prowess, brave soldiers, awful officers and absolutely staggeringly, incomprehensible, reprehensible and stupefying idiotic Leaders.

Luigi Cadorna, incompetent twit

The battle ended when the RAN OUT OF BULLETS. Tactical victory to the Italians, the only lost 41.800 compared to 46.600, that’s a victory in World War One.

And then the Third Battle of the Isonzo, now Cadorna have actually learned something, after using the blood, sweat and fucking tears of some sixty thousand Italian boys, artillery is really awesome and frontal attacks WILL CONTINUE!

Hey, a step forwards, artillery is important, he’s learning. Not enough, the Italians would keep attack on limited fronts and through terrains that negated their massive numerical advantage, even if this was the first battle were, they actually had helmets.

Another Sixty thousand plus casualties for the Italians, some forty for the Austrians, failure for the Italians, even if loses were proportionally roughly the same.

The fourth, to damn cold, more casualties for the Italians, in the end December and the winter brought everything to standstill, why anyone would fight this kind of war in the middle of the winter is beyond anyone sane, but sanity isn’t a requirement for Generals after all.

The fifth was even more pointless than usual, basically a bit of sabre-rattling from the Italians, mainly just to keep the French at bay. The Italians took a mountain, huzza.

The Sixth Battle? Was a Victory for the Italians, this time to actually managed to get an entire city, paid fifty thousand casualties for it, that’s what frontal assaults do to an army.

The Seventh Battle? Inconclusive as they say, basically everyone died in roughly the same amount, pure attrition warfare.

The Eight battle, much the same, just more dead, fifty-sixty thousand on the Italian side, 38.000 on the Austrian side, the biggest splash was the death of Antonio Sant’Elia, of the leading lights of Futurist architecture (One of the predecessors to the later Art Deco movement), the battles become shorter and shorter, the armies are getting tired at this point.

The Ninth, the Austro-Hungarians are starting to lose the War of Attrition at this point and the Italians manage to advance, slowly, but an advance is an advance.

The Tenth had a change of plans, most of the previous attempts were narrow breakthroughs, this one was a forty kilometre massed assault against the Austrians, the Italians had a 1:2 advantage again, 400k against 200k, the result? Little territory was really gained, 150,000 Italians casualties, 125,000 Austrian, the war of Attrition was taking its toll on everyone at this point.

The Eleventh? 200,000 plus casualties spread across both sides, the Italians managed to move forward a little, the Austro-Hungarian armies were actually at their breaking point at this stage, one more assault would have broken them, too bad the Italians couldn’t attack again even if they wanted to.

But hey, the Royal Bavarian Infantry Lifeguards Regiment got a march out of it, it isn’t all bad.

And now for the final one: The Twelfth Battle of the Isonzo, which also have its very own name, the Battle of Caporetto, because guess what? The Germans have arrived, with all the cool tricks and clever tactics they’ve learned at the Western front and against the Russians, assault troopers, infiltration tactics and poison gas.

The Italians were absolutely fucking destroyed here, SIX HUNDRED THOUSAND casualties, the Second Army basically gone, the Italians had 800,000 soldiers against 350,000 Germans and Austro-Hungarians and they absolutely lost.

Unfortunately, the rest of the war being as it was, there really were no further opportunity or resources to carry on and knock the Italians out of the War, the Germans were starving at this point, literally.

Luigi Cardorna would later be promoted to Marshall of Italy by Mussolini, in a blatant attempt to pretend Italy won great Victories in the Great War and deserves much more. He’s son would actually do much better in World War Two, changing sides in the end and fighting against the Germans in Northern Italy.

This guy was made a Baron and a Marshall, the only Marshall the south Slavs had produced so far.

Svetozar Boroević, the primary commander for the Austro-Hungarians, would be promoted to Marshall and ennobled during the war, sadly, his fellow Croats and south Slavs weren’t very welcoming, he was buried in Austria. The result? Italy’s poor performance during the war, resulting in them not really getting anything good, which was one of the issues exploited by the Fascist as they took over.