Diablo 3: Reaper of Souls, in-depth Finacial Audit.

So, Diable 3‘s latest, and probably only, expansion has just been released recently. At a price of 39.99 € for the standard edition. 40 € for an expansion, expensive? Hell yes.

So, let’s split the cost into tiny bits, and laugh at the end result. For your hard-earned fourty Euros worth of game, you get the following: Adventure mode, Act 5 and the Crusader. And that’s it, nothing else, there is no extra content beyond those three elements, everything else is included in the base game.

Let’s start with the biggest sinner, the adventure mode, and just before I start my blitzkrieg attack on this useless waste of time, let’s just cover what I thought it was: Randomly made maps, where you could just murder shit, with random missions.

What it actual is: The storyline maps, with two kinds of missions: Kill guys and kill guy. Same maps, same bosses, same mobs, same everything, nothing new at all, using the same art assets and content.

Total cost: 14€ for something that took about half and hour worth of coding, what it should have cost? Nothing, this shouldn’t have cost anything, anything at all, it’s just watered down story mode crap, using the same assets and a bit of extra voice work.

It should have been included with a patch at some point, for free.

Diable3oo1

Next on the itinerary, the Crusader, an extra character is kinda nice, plenty of extra voicework, lots of crap to do, but otherwise, nothing special. I’d pay 14€ for an extra character to have fun with.

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And for the final nail in the proverbial coffin, Act V. Now, this one’s a real pile of crap, it’s basically just around four to six hours of preditable content and story, and if any of you fuckers bitch about bloody spoilers? I’ll laugh from now ’till the heat death of the goddam universe.

And why? Because the story is stupid and preditable, another BIG BAD guy appears, you kill him, that’s it, that’s all there is to it, no big surprise, no big thing, just you walking through a city, then a few shitholes, then hell, then murder end-boss.

Absolutely no surprises at all, which is a welcome addition to the base game storyline, where the little innocent girl character, turns out to be the daughter of EVIL and get’s possed by Diablo, something even the meanest intelligence, could tell, around Act I, part four, the chase for the magical murder thing.

So yeah, worth 14€? Fuck no, not for that little content.

So in conclusion, Reaper of Souls does fuck all for Diablo 3, the giant patch does EVERYTHING for Diablo 3, the 40€? Is just Activision rearing it’s grotesque head again. Did I buy it? Yes, I have friends, it’s the price you pay, for friendship, which isn’t magical, just expensive.

Cru the Dwarf: Drunken Duck is a Cesspit

Cru the Dwarf is a pretty bloody bad webcomic. It’s yet another World of Warcraft comic using machinima style posing using whatever useless bollocks they can drag out of the World of Warcraft files.

This is just about the worst piece of shit the entire retarded World of Warcraft subculture has ever vommited forth.
Can’t even make proper speech bubbles.

Cru the Dwarf probably started out as a joke, a rather bland and boring joke, with the rather large defeciency of not being funny at all. Unfortunately for the rest of the human race, it didn’t stay that way, it became the mad attempt of a deranged “author” forcing a fanfiction into a visual medium.

So it went from jokes about Night Elves being fanservice, into some twisted mess of timetravel and dragon’s getting impregnated by perverted dwarves. Let me restate that line in bold with swearing: FUCKING DRAGON GETTING FUCKED BY A UTTERLY IMMATURE PERVERTED DIMWITTED DWARF, but it’s okay, she was in her elven form.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Look, a Star Wars reference, aren't I delightfully meta?
A FUCKING DRAGON!

Yup. Couldn’t you just have stuck with pointless pop-culture Cru, hey, I didn’t even notice. IT’S A FUCKING SELF-INSERTION FANTASY TOO, oh the humanity. Why didn’t you just stick to your poor jokes Cru? Why?


Oh yeah, they sucked too.

It even steals an entire character from a much better drawn, but equally stupid, webcomic Looking for Group, and then Sean F, which is actually the name he now uses, tries to meta his way out of it, by constantly pointing it out. Well done Sean, got tired of people pointing out how odd your dwarf-dragon furry fetish really is?


I have no words.

But still have plenty of words about Drunken Duck, the Cesspit of Cesspit of the greater Webcomic world, and I use “world” because using the actualy words that comes through my mind “Zi dingir n Da Shurrim ma kanpa” is Sumerian straight from the Necronomicon, used to drive away fucking evil.

Here’s a fine example of the avarage Drunken Duck comic, except this one isn’t done in some 3D software, but is actually drawn, poorly. Etheral Legacies is some fucking incomphrensible fantasy webcomic that makes about as much sense as Lord of the Rings on backwards Kazakh.

It’s basically just a load of fanservice, I’m even vaguely insulted when it throws out a “Valkyrie” without even remotely realizing that an actual valkyrie would wear full armour and a giant bloody battleaxe, not have her tits hanging out and wear nothing but underwear, also, they can FUCKING FLY!

It’s plot makes no sense, and it’s all tits.

NEW AGE FUCKING VAMPIRES!

Charby the Vampirate is one hell of an odd one. I can’t actually force myself to read this one, because all I see is a little anime styled kid with a mouthful of fangs.

And I hate it. It’s apparently one of the top ten “best” webcomics on Drunken duck, which makes no sense, until you realize it’s actually just one of the top ten most popular webcomic, and then it all makes sense. It’s a cultural facts that there exist a sizeable subculture that rejoices in vampires and anime and all that shit.

can be more generic, if it had a panty shot.
Talking about anime.

Drunken Duck also has a lot of anime.

poorly drawn doesnt stop it from being on the top ten

And alot of poorly drawn crap.

And do they ever have a lot of pornographic webcomic.

But rejoice:

It’s not all crap. This is the chapter page from the latest chapter of Anathema, which is quite well drawn, has fairly interesting characters, one is a seemingly easy-going vampire, another is yet another cleric who uses evil to fight evil, and has a fair bit of collateral damage.

It’s decent, and has a fair bit of appeal, if nothing else, because the main character has enough flaws to make her anti-Mary Sue.

Will be interesting to see her eksentialist dread carry on.

A last honorable mention to The Gods of ArrKelaan, the grand old man of Drunken Duck, who deserves much more, and yet still remains.

weee

My closing statement is simply this:

Cru the Dwarf is the fourth worst webcomic I have ever paid any sort of notice to, it symbolizes pointless storylines, poor jokes, festishism and fan service.

It also symbolizes everything that’s wrong with a lack of quality control, thus Drunken Duck, and partly Comic Genesis, but that’s for later.