Wed. Oct 16th, 2019

The Balfour Institute of Esoteric Culture

The Internet is a dark and terrible place

Chris Grayling is a endless story of failure

3 min read

Chris Grayling was born on the first of April 1962 and didn’t really start failing consistently until 1993, where the company he worked for as a manager, failed due to SAT non-payment.

He then lost an election in 1997, losing with a margin of more than ten-thousand, his Tory masters then dumped him in an ultra-safe seat in 1998 and he has remained their ever since, his electorate are mainly made of semi-sentient water fowl.

He then spent nine years (2001-2010) in the Shadow Cabinet, which sounds cool, but really, it’s just the British opposition pretending to be in power, so they can claim they’d “do everything better than the sitting government”, even if they couldn’t. He developed a reputation as an attack dog during this period.

BEHOLD!

He then got caught in the Expenses scandal of the time, he’d maintained a tax-payer paid and tax-payer renovated apartment near to Parliament, even though he live 17 miles away. 5000 £ and an severe embarrassment was the price paid, he’d been attacking Labour politicians about the very same issues at the time.

He then claimed that an area in Manchester, called Moss Side, was just like amazing crime drama “The Wire”, despite the fact that Moss Side had had absolutely zero gun-related deaths and that greater Manchester had reported a 82% drop in gang-related shootings.

In 2010 Grayling failed his way into government and being in charge of the Department for Work and Pensions, he just did the usual Tory nonsense, cuts to job centers and blaming “workshy elements”.

In 2012 he got a promotion, he was made Lord Chancellor, the British Justice Minister/Secretary, his performance was described by Lord Pannick as ” “notable only for his attempts to restrict judicial reviews and human rights, his failure to protect the judiciary against criticism from his colleagues and the reduction of legal aid to a bare minimum.”

He banned people from sending books to prisoners, for no reason at all, no rational reason at least. He manages to increase re-offending rates by spending 400 million pounds more, which doesn’t seem right. Most of his “innovations” during his tenure have either already been abolished or will be next year, even Gove didn’t like his work here.

Dull as shit, easy to fuck up!

In 2015 he was promoted again, this time to Leader of the Commons, but he only lasted until 2016, when he was kicked over the Department of Transport.

  • He refused a request from the Mayor of London to gain control of a rail franchise that really would have been better in their hand, because Sadiq Khan is a labour member.
  • He open his door into a cyclist.
  • He cancelled railway electrification schemes in Northern England, because fuck the North.
  • He didn’t penalize a private company for fucking up a timetable change, because he changed the contract in 2017.
  • Not caring about drones, resulting in the Gatwick airport drone disturbances.
  • He then paid Seaborne Freight 13.8 million £ for emergency Brexit ferries, Seaborne had never run any ferries and didn’t own any, so giving them the contract was dumb.
  • The other ferry companies, the ones with actually experience, got a 28 million £ bonus because Brexit still hasn’t happened.
  • And the new Class 800 trains are delayed and cost to much.

And Chris Greyling for some unfathomable reason remains Minister for Transport and a Member of Parliament. He also really hates being called Chris Failing.

Does he have blackmail material on everyone or something? How the hell does he keep getting elected? Are the water fowls really that easy to dupe?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chris_Grayling

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