Hitman’s Elusive Targets are absolutely abhorent

So, that Hitman game that came out some time ago, it had these little special extra event things, Elusive Targets, adding a new target onto pre-existing maps, giving you another target in a map you’d already be familiar with.

Not a bad idea eh? Now here’s were the alarms should go off, there are also secondary targets on most of the maps in the game, a movie set in an ancient Italian town, murder the star, that kinda stuff, work pretty much like the normal mission on the map, just with slightly different motives.

There are also little extra targets on the maps, adding randomized utterly retarded requirements on the higher levels, like requiring you to carry a gun openly, causing panic all around, great fun.

And by fun, I dentistry school levels of horror.

So, what’s so special about the Elusive Targets? They are single-try, time-limited and one-time events.

What? One-time, time-limited events? Like what Guild Wars 2 did in the early years? The biggest complaint about that game? So big they abandoned it in the second season of the story line? Yes, that’s right dark voices in my head, that’s precisely what it was.

As for the single-try thing, I don’t know, last time I checked, the beacon of “HARDCORE GAMEPLAY” Dark Souls still let you try again and again and again and again and you get the point, but not the Elusive Target in Hitman, they are “special”.

The same way President Trumps tiny hands are “special”.

Now, some progress was made recently, IO Interactive bought the Hitman EVERYTHING back from SquareEnix, the horrible publisher who really just survive off the Final Fantasy games and mindless fans, releasing them from a fate, similar to that of every studio ever owned by EA.

And they decided to allow the Elusive Targets to come back again, so not One-Time events anymore, that’s a GOOD thing, it’s a single player game son, I expect to have the opportunity to try ALL the content, as many fucking times as I damn well please, as a citizen of a Free and Equal country!

Sadly, the two other limitations are still there:

Fuck me sideways

Hitman really is pretty stupid

Yup, I just powered up the game, started the Elusive Event, didn’t read the pop-up completely, died horribly and WAS LOCKED OUT FROM TRYING AGAIN! The hell? Why? Why are you preventing me from playing the game the way I sodding want to? You learn from failure, the only thing I learned from that, was to use a Walk through all the time. Utterly pointless.

Also, someone who failed the first time this event came around, can’t try again.

Because Elusive Targets are “special”.

What a bag of cunts.

Fix this idiocy IO Interactive, give us access to the content we have paid for, even Dark Souls 2 doesn’t prevent me from endless trying to die my way through a barrier, hell, they encourage me to do so.

About Ragnarokz

I am the Managing Director of the Balfour Institute of Internet Culture, and one of the world’s foremost experts on the cultural phenomena of the Internet.

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